Mormon Discussion

Sunday, November 20, 2005

This post contains the word "SEX." Viewer discretion is advised!

I'm confused by Mormon dating. I'm not going to lie.

Before boys go on missions, they are encouraged to date many girls. This apparently lets them find out what they like in the opposite sex. Girls are encouraged to do the same thing.

Fast forward--boy goes on mission, comes home man.

Man is then encouraged to get married ASAP!!! Girls are encouraged to do the same thing. Snap up the RM like he's plated in gold and poop diamonds, ladies! POKE OUT YOUR FELLOW RELIEF SOCIETY COLLEGUE IF YOU MUST but marry that RM.

Except was the "sustain a relationship with someone so you know how a relationship functions" stage?? It seems pathetically lacking...

I think that this is all about sex.

Don't steady date anyone before a mission, because you might make-out (which inevitably leads to sex. All the time. So never make out. And no kissing with tongues, or as one bishop described it, "No porno kissing."). If you have sex before marriage you jeopardize your chances of going on a mission.

Ok, noble goal. I like it. 16 year olds don't need to be having sex anyway. So, I'm cool with this.

Next, after's like "MARRY MARRY MARRY!" flashing like a crappy neon sign in singles wards. RIGHT NOW. Do it! Just met her?? Doesn't matter! Buy her a ring! Marry her!!

What? You didn't know that she has a gimp leg?? Too bad! Marry her!

What? You don't know how to communicate your feelings effectively in a relationship?? Um, oh well. Marry him!!

Why this pressure? Because you are 20. You want to have sex. Really bad. And ALL your nonmember friends around you are like, "Dude, you're 20. Why are you not having sex?" So the church is all, "Go for it! Have sex! WITH YOUR WIFE!!!" Which, again, is a noble goal. Don't have sex before marriage. I think that's cool too.

So, you find someone and you marry them right away because you both really just want to do it.

And you don't take the time to have a working relationship because you're too busy imagining them naked.

That's what I think.

Because why else would there be this HUGE noticeable gap in the relationship stages? It's first--date everyone and have no serious relationships and then next--date someone for like 4 weeks and then propose. Get married the next day.

The church says that you shouldn't wait once you "know" that this is the person you want to be with.

Um, fine, that's noble too.

BUT HELLO?! Hasn't anyone heard of the "honeymoon stage" in the relationship? Where, if someone asks you what irritates you about the other person, you sigh lovingly and bat your eyes and imagine their beautiful face and say, "Nothing..."

Give it like 6-8 months. Then you notice things. Like he picks his teeth at the dinner table and then SUCKS the food out.

Or she has a habit of leaving her dirty underwear all over the house.

Or he has a secret stash of Bobblehead dolls.

Or she really, REALLY freaks out when someone dies on "Days of Our Lives."

Then when someone asks, "What drives you nuts about your boy/girl friend?" you'll have a whole laundry list of crap.


Because when you have no idea that he belches every morning and she has a neurotic need to have all the soup cans with their labels out, you don't know the person. So how can you commit to spending eternity with them? Ok, to be fair, they probably won't have all that irritating crap in eternity, so I'll say spending the rest of your mortal life with that person?

When you are really in love with someone, you can say, "Ok, my love of my life blows his nose into the cloth napkins at fine restarurants, has the dirtiest and grossest bathroom I've ever had the unfortunate chance of peeing in, eats everything with his hand, refers to my mother as 'The Skunk,' and sort of smells really terrible after he plays sports. But, I love him, in spite of all these things that drive me nuts, so I can honestly say I could commit to being with him forever."

So shouldn't we have a sustain a relationship stage? So young people can get to know better what they like and don't like in a relationship?

Not to mention, in a relationship, you have to learn commitment, sacrifice, and communication skills. You have to learn how to work out problems and have discussions, to give and take, to have friends and a life outside of your dating partner. You essentially learn what it entails to be an effective partner.

I wouldn't marry anyone who hadn't had a serious, long-term relationship before me because I'd have to spend all my time teaching him to do the things you learn in long-term relationships.

So why does the church skip over what seems to be a rather important developmental stage??

Because they are so focused on keeping us away from pre-marital sex. Which, again, is a lofty goal, but marriage is so much more than sex. In all honesty, I would much prefer to marry a non-virgin who had cleaned up his act and had a past history of serious, long-term relationship than a virgin whose longest relationship was 2 weeks.

Unless the virgin was an RM plated in gold who pooped diamons. Then someone in RS would lose an eye, if needed. I love me some diamonds!